The cuteness!

First off I want to thank you all for reading and leaving such supportive comments. I have decided to work with Aidan one day a week, despite his parent's total awfulness.

And now to the good stuff. Here are some pictures of Evelyn in the same sweater. My parents bought this sweater for Evie last February.

Evie Feb. 2007






Evie Dec. 2007 (this week)

Even more...

So the Dad called me three times today. He left three messages. All saying the same thing, we like you, we don't want you to go. So I finally called him back. And he gave me even more excuses. He works 60 hours a week. He never is in town. He is always busy. He also said he didn't know I was so unhappy. And he explained a lot of the very dysfunctional behavior I have been observing. We talked for almost an hour. Apparently he is the only one in the family that is good at communicating. And he made that clear to me. He said a lot of nice things about me and Aidan's progress. And he offered me more money. And he said even just one day a week would help them so much.

And I told him I would think about it. The truth in all this is that I like my job, I like Aidan, I love his teacher, and I love the school. I just hated not knowing what was going on and not being acknowledged. So I am going to think about it. I am taking a special ed class this coming semester and I need 30 hours in a classroom with a special needs student. If working with Aidan fulfills that requirement then I will definitely go to school with him one day a week. If not, then I probably won't go to school with him at all.

Excuses Excuses and more Excuses

So I talked on the phone with the mom this morning. She just kept feeding me excuses. Excuses for why she didn't ask about her autistic kid's everyday life at school. Excuses for why she didn't return my call last week. Just on and on. She said that the school also accused her of not being communicative. She just played dumb. And she was offended that there was an implication that she didn't care about Aidan. She said she and her husband work all the time so they can pay for people to take care of this kid (her words, not mine). Yeah, she basically admitted to everything that I have a problem with. She admitted to paying other people to take care of her kid and his autism. And she admitted to not asking about his behavior everyday. She said that is why she pays me. And she talked about how she works every night and weekend. And her husband works til 9PM at night every night. And she said if she weren't working she would be in the classroom with him. But she can't not work because she has to pay all these people to work with him.

Umm yeah. So why not stop working all the time and take care of your damn kid???!!!!

And hello! Why aren't you asking about how your special needs kid is doing? And how can your special needs kid thrive if he has no routine at home with his parents?? He apparently never sees his parents because they work all the time. Cop out much?? Why do you think that it is okay to solve problems with money? What is wrong with you people!!!????

disclaimer: I am really fed up with these people. I know I have sympathy and empathy in my heart for these people but I am just pissed right now. So please don't think I am always on my high horse judging people and their parenting skills. God knows I have no right to judge.

I Tried...

I tried to be honest with Aidan's family and tell them that part of the reason I am quitting is that communication is bad between us. I left 2 messages, one at home and one on the mom's cell phone.

The mom called back while I was giving Evie a bath and she left me a message. She was upset.

This situation is quickly deteriorating into total shit. I am miserable at the thought of seeing his parents. Mostly because I hate confrontation and no matter what I say they are going to find a way to not accept it.

I wish I could change them, I wish I could make them see what I see. I want so badly to be a good person in this situation.

But I think that ship has sailed. There is no way I can leave this situation with good feelings between myself and the family.

I was so idealistic about this experience, I was so eager and happy in the beginning. I really thought I would be doing this all year.

The first sign that communication and therefore the situation wouldn't work was the first week of school. I took detailed notes about Aidan's behavior and his interactions with the other kids and I gave them to Aidan's mom. I asked her what she thought of the notes and she said it was too much detail and that she hadn't and wouldn't read that much. I should have known right then that this was doomed.

And it has just been down hill from there. But still I am sad and disappointed and angry and...

I don't know. I feel guilty. I feel a lot of guilt. I keep thinking that if I had done things differently that it wouldn't be this way. But the reality is that this couldn't have ended any other way. They can't give me what I want and I can't give them what they want.

And, they are total fucking lunatics that would have walked all over me for as long as I would have let them. They would have continued to treat me like shit for as long as I would have taken it. And grrrrrrrrrrr I am so pissed! And hurt and angry and PISSED!!!

Done and Done

1. I left a phone message for Aidan's parents this afternoon. I haven't heard anything so far. I honestly will be suprised if I hear anything from them at all. That's how bad communication is with these people.

2. Anyway, working with Aidan went well today. I think I was in a much better head space because I knew this was it for us. It let the tension and stress go by knowing I wouldn't have to do this anymore.

3. Also we will be going to visit Auntie V next weekend. That should be big fun.

4. And the weekend after x-mas I am going to visit my best friend Jen at her parent's house.

5. I have laid out a very tentative course outline for my masters. I have to take 17 classes to get the degree, including student teaching. So it looks like I will be done by Spring 2010. I'll be taking 3 classes this spring. A special ed class, an educational tech class and a science class. It looks like it will be fun and time consuming.

6. Signing is really really fun! Evelyn has picked up a lot of signs. Her favorites are bird, cat, and dog. She doesn't have perfect form but we know what she's signing. It's really awesome to be able to communicate with her more.

7. It has been in the 80's all week down here. Holy cow it is really really weird to be in shorts and a tshirt in December. Our Field Day party went really well but it was too hot to really play games, we just played with the equipment. Here's some pics.

Quitting

I've decided to quit working with Aidan. I don't want the stress of the job and I want to be able to focus on school and Evie. I haven't told Aidan's parents yet because (suprise suprise) I didn't see them today. I'll tell them in person tomorrow (if they show up) or I'll call and tell them over the phone tomorrow night.

I can tell that Aidan is just as tired of me as I am of him lately. We're both ready for a break. School is out next Friday, I'll keep working til then and I'll help train a replacement til school starts for me Jan. 7th.

Yes!

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got an acceptance letter today into the Masters of Arts in Teaching program at our local college!!!!!!!! I am super(!!!!)excited and happy!!!!!!!! I truely wasn't sure I would get into the program. I am thrilled to get a masters and be back in school again! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

Tomorrow

Tomorrow we are having about 30 of Ben's coworkers and thier families over to have a field day. We are gonna play football, soccer, kickball, and other such games. There will be farm tours, nature walks, and fish feeding. It should be big fun. I'll post pics tomorrow =)

What to do?

I am very frustrated with my job right now. So frustrated that I am doing a bad job, I am taking it out on Aidan, the autistic kid I work with. My frustration is not with him (though he is frustrating at times), it's with his parents. For a month now I have been waiting for them to talk to me about their plan for Aidan, what they hope to achieve for him in a normal kindergarten classroom, what they expect of me, how I am doing as their child's shadow. But I haven't gotten anything from them, nothing. No encouragement, no criticism, nada. And the school is just as frustrated with them as I am. They have tried for a month to talk in person with them and Aidan's parents have ignored notes, phone calls, and missed meetings.

My frustration is mostly my own fault. I am more frustrated with them in regards to their parenting style than with them as my employer. I can not believe how uninvolved they are in the life of their child. They never ask me how he is doing, they never ask his teacher. I spend 20 hours a week with this kid, I wipe his ass! If I weren't a good person I could really be fucking this kid up. And they could care less. Most of the time his parents aren't even the ones dropping him off and picking him up. And it's not like Aidan is a normal kid, he's autistic. And he is not in a special ed class, he's in a normal class. So his outbursts, his behavior issues, all those things are very disruptive to the class. And they don't ask about it. And I know why. They don't want to know. They don't want to think about it. They don't want to deal with it. They pay me to deal with it. And that is my frustration.

How in the world do you abandon your child like that? Not physically but emotionally. They bathe him, they feed him, they take good care of him physically. And they shell out LOTS of money to LOTS of different people to work with him. But at the heart of it, they are paying other people to deal with Aidan's autism. Because they can't or won't deal with it themselves.

And what's so hard for me to handle personally is that they don't even appreciate what I am doing with him and for them. They don't care about him, and they don't care about me.

And I am sacrificing time with my daughter to be with their son. My daughter means a whole hell of a lot more to me than Aidan. And rightfully so. So I am asking myself, why keep doing this? Why give up time with my kid, who I love spending time with, to help a family that doesn't even appreciate what I do for them or what I give up so that I can work for them?

Note: I tried getting a dialogue going with the family last night by leaving a phone message. When I saw the mother today at school she had nothing to say about the message I left. WTF!!!???

Disclaimer: I understand that having a special needs child is extremely challenging. I don't judge people for realizing their limits and getting help. I do judge people that don't appreciate or care about their child and the people that help their child.

Pooh-tastic!

Jen Visit!

It was so needed and awesome to have my best friend Jen visit us from Hawaii. We bonded over cheesy Mexican food and talked about how much has changed for us in the last 10 years. And we talked about boys, I don't think we'll ever outgrow that past time. It was awesome! Here's some pics.






Me, Jen's Mom, and Jen







Jen made Thai curry for us and it was delicious!


Good times!

Thanksgiving Camping Trip

We went camping for Thanksgiving this year. It was really fun and extremely cold. People up North may scoff at us Southerners thinking it is cold here but trust me it was cold. We ended up only staying out 1 night because it was too cold for us and way too cold for Evie. She would have loved to stay because she was having big fun. Here are some pics from our trip.

Evie scopes out the campsite.



She LOVED the beach and all the rocks!



We loved the sunshine and warmth of the heated bathrooms.



Grammy and Gramper were super happy to have their grandbaby.


Good Times!



Evie really enjoyed playing with the rocks and dirt around the camp site.




Something really cool was happening to the right.




Gigi and George and DocRom and BigBro came out to enjoy the fun.



Super close up!



Playground Fun with Daddy.




Evelyn showed off her superior soccer skills.






DocRom and BigBro took pics and enjoyed the warm campfire.




The moon was unbelievably beautiful, just amazing!




This morning we got up with the sun, cold and hungry.



Again we sought out heat by the fire.




Cuddle time in our heated tent, yay!




Group photo after breakfast.




Home, here we come!



Thank god we made it back to heated enclosed spaces!!!

The Royal Treatment

Signs

Evelyn will be 16 months on Tuesday and she doesn't say any words yet. It is too soon to seriously worry about her language development. But we are worried, because that's what being a parent is all about. So in order to give Evelyn more ways to communicate we ordered some DVDs that teach ASL to toddlers and their parents. Her being able to sign will be really great for all of us. Instead of wasting 15 minutes trying to figure out why she is crying she will be able to tell us what she wants (food, diaper, toy, whatever). I am really excited because I can tell that she has a lot of thoughts on stuff. She is trying to talk to us. She points at stuff and then jibber jabbers on about it. She points at leaves blowing on a tree and the cats and then she tries to tell us stuff. But we don't know what she's trying to say. It's a little sad and a little frustrating. I am really looking forward to her being able to communicate better with us. She understands (for the most part) what we are saying to her. If we ask her to point to Elmo's nose, she does. If we tell her to pick up something she does. She understands us quite well. But we don't understand her, yet. I have high hopes for these DVDs and for signing.

Birthdays and Thanksgiving

The month of November is a big one for our family. There are 4 birthdays in the immediate family plus Thanksgiving. Gramper's birthday was November 1st. And this week is Grammy's birthday and my birthday and TwinBro's birthday and Thanksgiving. Yeah, it's gonna be a busy week.

Ben ordered my gift for me already. It's actually my birthday and x-mas gift. He and my parents got me a laptop computer. I am really excited! I have never had a laptop and in hopes that I will be back in school in the Spring, I wanted to get a laptop to take with me back and forth. It's a Dell Inspirion 1501, nothing super fancy but just fine for me. I love birthdays!

Thanksgiving will be a new experience this year. We are going camping. Grammy and Gramper rented 3 campsites. Auntie V, BigBro, DocRom, Gigi and George, and the three of us will be there. This will be Evelyn's first camping trip so we are hoping she will love it as much we do. I think she'll have a blast! TwinBro was supposed to come but due to things out of his control he won't be able to make it, it's a bummer but we'll see him soon I hope.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

Hello Hello

Hi!

We are doing better. We made it to Friday, finally! This week has been uber stressful for Ben and I because we have been so worried about Evelyn. I talked with the dermatologist that saw her 2 weeks ago and he told me that we are on the right track and that this stuff should clear up in the next 2 weeks. He also said I could call him if I had any more questions or concerns. He also explained (finally!!) what the cultures they took meant. Evelyn does NOT have the MRSA antibiotic resistant staph infection that has been so prevalant in the news lately. We really didn't think she did but all the other doctors told us she did. She has perianal strep, it's the same bacteria as strep throat but it's on her bottom. So now that I know what she has and we know how to treat it properly I think we can finally move on from this very stressful and annoying rash.

In other news Ben and I are going on a date tonight, HOORAY!!!! We haven't been on a date in a month and we are so in need of a date! I am really excited, we got free tickets to a bluegrass concert from my boss. I think we are gonna have big fun! Yay!

More of the same...

Here's some more cute Evie pics to yet again distract from the drama of this bacteria skin infection.



We saw the doctor. He lanced her abscess and cleaned it out. He prescribed an antibiotic cream to go with the oral antibiotic that the ER gave us last night. So now we wait for the whole thing to clear up. I really hope this stuff works and gets rid of this nonsense.

Update

Here are some cute pics of Evelyn.





I am using them to offset the yuckiness of yet another ER visit for the staph skin infection on her butt. She is gonna be fine, but we have to get her back on antibiotics....again, for the 4th time! That is bad enough news on its own but add to that the worst ER experience (to the tune of two unrewarded blood taking events, one on each hand. While Evelyn screamed in pain and misery.) Oh yeah, it's been a hell of a night!



We will never take Evelyn to the Army ER again, ever. So we have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow morning to try to figure out what it will take to get rid of this very persistent condition. Evelyn is acting like herself already, despite the trauma of the ER visit. I love that girl! And Ben too, he is an unbelievably awesome Dad and husband! I am very lucky!

The 7 Week Itch

We have been fighting a diaper rash turned bacterial infection for what feels like forever. I think we are finally getting it under control after seeing a dermatologist. The derm prescribed a 3rd type of anti-fungal cream and a 3rd type of oral antibiotic and these seem to be making the rash/infection go away, thank god! We have a follow up appt with the family practice doc tomorrow morning, we'll see what she says.

In other news Ben started both his schools about 2 weeks ago and he is getting his butt kicked. What 2 schools you ask? He started his online MBA and he is now in Army Captain's school. Either one of these alone would be fine but together it is taking a toll on him. He also started working out with a personal trainer this week so he is feeling very stretched (literally and figuratively). I know things will settle down in a week or so once he gets used to his new schedule.

We got some sad news on Nov. 1st, Ben's grandfather passed away. We knew it was coming but it is still very sad. Opa was a very sweet man and a driving force in Ben's life. We'll miss him very much.

Ben and I were going to run a half marathon in December but in light of all the new stuff going on we've decided to not do the race. We just don't have time or daylight to train for the race. So he is working out everyday with the Army and 2 times a week with his trainer and I am hitting the treadmill as often as I can. I really don't want to gain weight or lose my physical strength/stamina.

Work is going okay. I still really enjoy working with Aidan but I am not so happy with how his family is interacting with me and his school. There is a serious breakdown in communication and it is making my job harder in a bad way. Ben thinks I should confront the parents but I don't know that I should or want to. We'll see.

Mostly we are doing good here at the farm. I really feel lucky and grateful for what we have. I told Ben today that if all we have to complain about is work and school then we're better off than many. So thanks world and life, we aren't gonna complain a bit. =)

Here's a pic of Opa and Evie.