IQ Test Score

I am taking a class about special education. I didn't know this before but in order to be classified into special ed you have to have a low IQ score in most cases. So I thought I would take an IQ test and find out where I fall. Now the interesting thing about IQ tests is that many people believe they are biased toward white middle class Americans. So, if the test is biased in that way then how do you think low income black kids do? How about children of immigrants? You see where this is going? There is a disproportionate number of non-white kids getting classified into special ed. One might say, "Well that's okay, they'll get better help and be smarter in the long run because they have extra help." But the statistics don't agree with that. Forty percent of special ed students drop out of school. So we are fueling the poverty cycle by misclassifying non white students into special education. Why is special ed placement such a large predictor of career/life success? Because being in special ed is stigmatized and because the curriculum and expectations are much lower than that of the general student population. The whole system is broken. It is fixable, it is very fixable and people that are much smarter than me are advocating for change in the system. Hopefully it will come sooner rather than later.

So I am a white middle class suburban raised person. My IQ score is 116. I am considered above average intelligence, by 3 percentage points, so just barely. What is your IQ? What do you think about this debate?

Excuses Excuses and more Excuses

So I talked on the phone with the mom this morning. She just kept feeding me excuses. Excuses for why she didn't ask about her autistic kid's everyday life at school. Excuses for why she didn't return my call last week. Just on and on. She said that the school also accused her of not being communicative. She just played dumb. And she was offended that there was an implication that she didn't care about Aidan. She said she and her husband work all the time so they can pay for people to take care of this kid (her words, not mine). Yeah, she basically admitted to everything that I have a problem with. She admitted to paying other people to take care of her kid and his autism. And she admitted to not asking about his behavior everyday. She said that is why she pays me. And she talked about how she works every night and weekend. And her husband works til 9PM at night every night. And she said if she weren't working she would be in the classroom with him. But she can't not work because she has to pay all these people to work with him.

Umm yeah. So why not stop working all the time and take care of your damn kid???!!!!

And hello! Why aren't you asking about how your special needs kid is doing? And how can your special needs kid thrive if he has no routine at home with his parents?? He apparently never sees his parents because they work all the time. Cop out much?? Why do you think that it is okay to solve problems with money? What is wrong with you people!!!????

disclaimer: I am really fed up with these people. I know I have sympathy and empathy in my heart for these people but I am just pissed right now. So please don't think I am always on my high horse judging people and their parenting skills. God knows I have no right to judge.

I Tried...

I tried to be honest with Aidan's family and tell them that part of the reason I am quitting is that communication is bad between us. I left 2 messages, one at home and one on the mom's cell phone.

The mom called back while I was giving Evie a bath and she left me a message. She was upset.

This situation is quickly deteriorating into total shit. I am miserable at the thought of seeing his parents. Mostly because I hate confrontation and no matter what I say they are going to find a way to not accept it.

I wish I could change them, I wish I could make them see what I see. I want so badly to be a good person in this situation.

But I think that ship has sailed. There is no way I can leave this situation with good feelings between myself and the family.

I was so idealistic about this experience, I was so eager and happy in the beginning. I really thought I would be doing this all year.

The first sign that communication and therefore the situation wouldn't work was the first week of school. I took detailed notes about Aidan's behavior and his interactions with the other kids and I gave them to Aidan's mom. I asked her what she thought of the notes and she said it was too much detail and that she hadn't and wouldn't read that much. I should have known right then that this was doomed.

And it has just been down hill from there. But still I am sad and disappointed and angry and...

I don't know. I feel guilty. I feel a lot of guilt. I keep thinking that if I had done things differently that it wouldn't be this way. But the reality is that this couldn't have ended any other way. They can't give me what I want and I can't give them what they want.

And, they are total fucking lunatics that would have walked all over me for as long as I would have let them. They would have continued to treat me like shit for as long as I would have taken it. And grrrrrrrrrrr I am so pissed! And hurt and angry and PISSED!!!

What to do?

I am very frustrated with my job right now. So frustrated that I am doing a bad job, I am taking it out on Aidan, the autistic kid I work with. My frustration is not with him (though he is frustrating at times), it's with his parents. For a month now I have been waiting for them to talk to me about their plan for Aidan, what they hope to achieve for him in a normal kindergarten classroom, what they expect of me, how I am doing as their child's shadow. But I haven't gotten anything from them, nothing. No encouragement, no criticism, nada. And the school is just as frustrated with them as I am. They have tried for a month to talk in person with them and Aidan's parents have ignored notes, phone calls, and missed meetings.

My frustration is mostly my own fault. I am more frustrated with them in regards to their parenting style than with them as my employer. I can not believe how uninvolved they are in the life of their child. They never ask me how he is doing, they never ask his teacher. I spend 20 hours a week with this kid, I wipe his ass! If I weren't a good person I could really be fucking this kid up. And they could care less. Most of the time his parents aren't even the ones dropping him off and picking him up. And it's not like Aidan is a normal kid, he's autistic. And he is not in a special ed class, he's in a normal class. So his outbursts, his behavior issues, all those things are very disruptive to the class. And they don't ask about it. And I know why. They don't want to know. They don't want to think about it. They don't want to deal with it. They pay me to deal with it. And that is my frustration.

How in the world do you abandon your child like that? Not physically but emotionally. They bathe him, they feed him, they take good care of him physically. And they shell out LOTS of money to LOTS of different people to work with him. But at the heart of it, they are paying other people to deal with Aidan's autism. Because they can't or won't deal with it themselves.

And what's so hard for me to handle personally is that they don't even appreciate what I am doing with him and for them. They don't care about him, and they don't care about me.

And I am sacrificing time with my daughter to be with their son. My daughter means a whole hell of a lot more to me than Aidan. And rightfully so. So I am asking myself, why keep doing this? Why give up time with my kid, who I love spending time with, to help a family that doesn't even appreciate what I do for them or what I give up so that I can work for them?

Note: I tried getting a dialogue going with the family last night by leaving a phone message. When I saw the mother today at school she had nothing to say about the message I left. WTF!!!???

Disclaimer: I understand that having a special needs child is extremely challenging. I don't judge people for realizing their limits and getting help. I do judge people that don't appreciate or care about their child and the people that help their child.

Don't Tell Me!

I haven't bought the new Harry Potter book yet, which means I don't know what happens. Please don't tell me any spoilers! I will be reading the book next week, after that we can discuss and disect as much as you want =)

One More...

Now I am even with the calendar month. I know, it's kind of pathetic. But what else am I going to do while I wait for Monday?

You Know...

You have a problem when you post about nothing just so your post count coordinates with the calendar day of the month.

Happy 4th

Though I am disgusted by our current president and his cronies I am very patriotic. These two opinions are not mutually exclusive, like the above would have us think.

I love America. I love that I can mouth off about religion and politics and Hollywood while drinking a cold beer in short shorts and a tank top. I love that I have the freedom to wear what I want, drink what I want and say what I want. That is the beauty of America. And there is no other place I would want to raise my Evelyn than here.

Happy Independence Day everyone!!

=)

Am I a Southerner??

1. Have you ever gone muddin'?
no

2. Have you ever lived on a dirt/gravel road?
yes, I do right now.

3. Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
many times

4. Ever been to a bonfire party?
yep

5. Have you ever driven a tractor?
no.

6. Have you ever been on a horse?
oh yeah.

7. Ford or Chevy?
neither, thanks

8. Kissed someone in a pick up?
I'm sure I've kissed Ben in my Mom's pick up truck at some point.

9. Whats your favorite country song?
If I Were a Carpenter, Johnny Cash and June Carter

10. Ever done 90 miles per hour down a dirt road?
No

11. Worked / Lived on a farm?
Doin it right now for the first time ever.

12. Been to a rodeo?
yes and it was a blast, for the most part.

13. Do you own cowboy boots?
yes

14. Do you have a cowboy hat?
yes

15. Have you ever said git r done?
probably, as an insult to someone.

16. Country skyline or a city skyline?
both

17. Can you name a rodeo star?
no

18. Do you think tractors are sexy?
no

19. Ever rode a 4-wheeler?`
no

20. Are you from the country?
no

21. If so, are you proud of it?
no

22. Gone hunting?
no

23. Gone fishing?
yes

24. Is your heart in dixie?
I think so, eek!

25. Been on a hay ride?
oh yeah.

26. Have you ever line danced?
in middle school we had line dancing AND square dancing class

27. Camped under the stars?
yeah

28. Have you ever been cow tippin?
no

29. Do you drive a pick up truck?
no

30. Fell asleep in a hay stack?
no

31. Own a pair of overalls?
only when i was a kid. I loved me some osh kosh b’gosh.

32. Drank Moonshine?
no

33. Include the word "yonder" in your daily vocabulary?
yeah probably

34. Ever shoveled manure?
no

35. Milked a cow?
no

36. Plucked a chicken?
no

37. Been to a race?
no

38. Know all the words to at least one David Allen Coe song?
no, who is he?

39.Have you ever made out in a back of a pick-up?
nope


Ok Dear Readers, what do you think? Am I a Southerner? And tag you're it Cara and Heather!! =)

Major Lessons: My Rant About Parent Wars

I have learned A LOT of lessons in the last 11 months or so. I used to think that breastfeeding was a natural and wonderful experience. I now know that for me, lactating was horrible. Not just the pumping thing, which did suck, but the hormone thing that goes a long with lactating. I didn't feel like myself again until I stopped lactating. And I really like feeling like myself. I used to think that formula feeding was bad, poison, evil, lazy on the part of the mother. I now can see the many advantages, and disadvantages of formula feeding. After experiencing both lactating and formula feeding I have to say that both ways really suck (no pun intended). My major lesson learned from all this: having a baby is really hard, no matter how they are fed, it is really, really, backbreakingly, hard work. HARD! Judging other moms based on their feeding choice is just stupid. We are all suffering here, all of us. None of us are sleeping through the night, none of us are feeling or looking like we did before the baby came. The superiority crap that we pull on each other is such a waste of the valuable (ie. scarce) brain power we have at this point in our kid's life.

Another lesson I learned. Cloth diapering is not cheaper than disposable diapering. It can be but I don't know anyone IRL that has actually saved money on CDing. If you only use prefolds and covers, exclusively, then yes you can save money. But if you are like the vast majority of other people in the CDing world then you become an addict. You hunt for the next big/cool diaper and you spend way more money than you should on a poop catcher for your kid, who really, could care less. I know all this because I was a CD addict. I think the addiction is directly related to the lactating hormones, really. Because ever since I stopped lactating I have lost interest in CDing. Probably it has to do with how bad formula poo is, but still I think there is some correlation between CD addiction and lactating. My major lesson learned from all this: it is just a poop catcher for your kid, let the judgement go. We are all Moms and we are all suffering through cleaning up shit all day, ALL DAY!! And again I say, the superiority crap that we pull on each other is such a waste of the valuable (ie. scarce) brain power we have at this point in our kid's life.

And the final lesson I will share is that of humility. I am humbled, everyday, by the sheer mindfuck that is being a parent. I have had my highest highs and my lowest lows in the last 10.8 months. This is hard, really unbelievably hard for me. I love my daughter more than air, but goodness gracious, I sure would like to breath easier sometimes, ya know? I guess my lesson learned here is that no matter what choices we make as Moms and parents, we are all in the same boat. And really, when you think about it, don't you want as many friends as possible in this boat? If you do then I suggest a strict diet of humility, open mindedness, and reserved judgement. Don't alienate the other Moms around you because they made different choices than you. Embrace those Moms, they are real Moms too. Even if they formula feed and use disposable diapers and whatever else you think they are doing wrong. Just freaking love a little more and judge a little less people!!! For fuck's sake!

What Not to Wear

If you really know me and you really love me you will do me a HUGE favor. You will nominate me for the TLC show What Not to Wear. PLEASE please pleaseplease please!!!!!

I LOVE this show, it is my favorite show on TV by far. I love Stacey and Clinton and their witty cutting critiques of people's wardrobes. And I almost always agree with their tips/outcomes. I think I am pretty stylish for what I have to work with but I KNOW they would pick me to pieces. But it would all be worth it because I would get a free one week trip to New York, $5000 worth of clothes, a new haircut, and a makeup lesson!!! GO to the link and nominate me people!!! =)

Bugs!!!

Evie and I went to the local science museum yesterday with our friends. They were having a bug exhibit and it was really fun and totally creepy crawly. Check us out.

Bring it On

The madness and mayhem has come to the farm. It is a good time but oh my is it a lot more than I'm used to, we will survive. Also The Office season finale gave me new hope for mankind. I love that show! =)

Hilary in 2008!

Alright

I have some shrinky dinks to make this weekend. I also want to write a post about being a mom, and I want to take over the world. Hmm...

But first a good night's sleep =)

Therapy

I have avoided coverage of the VA Tech tragedy, like, well, like the plague. I am avoiding it because I know I can't handle it. I am so emotional right now that watching coverage of this will debilitate me for weeks. I know this because I know my limits. I know my boundaries. For good or for bad I can't handle this in my life right now. There are lots of other things that I can't handle in my life right now. Iraq war coverage, Bush coverage, scary movies, any CSI type shows, and the list goes on. I learned to respect my own boundaries and to enforce my boundaries in my life by going to therapy. For years, on and off. I loved therapy, I hated it sometimes too but overall I think therapy is amazing. I think that therapy is magic. I think everyone should go to therapy (or whatever equivalent). AND, I don't think anyone should feel bad or weird for going to therapy. The crazy people in this world are the people that don't think they are crazy. Recognizing that you want/need help is courageous, getting that help is downright commendable.

In Process

Still trying to get moved in. Right now I am straddling half my stuff here and half my stuff there. It is insane busy right now! I hope to be done by Monday and then I can get back to regularly scheduled programming. Send some heavy lifting and quick moving vibes my way if you have any to spare.

I'll catch ya'll on the flip side.

p.s. there will be tons of pics once this is all said and done =)

Move It Out

Today is packing day. Wish me luck.

Things I am Over the Moon About

1. Evelyn growing into the cutest, most affectionate little girl. She hugs me back now and she wants to snuggle and it just refuels my soul.

2. Being a postpartum doula! I LOVE what I am doing. I can't even put into words why or how but I am just so fulfilled and happy being a postpartum doula. I love knowing that I am helping a family so much and making the transition to a larger family easier.

3. My freezer stash. Because I have so much frozen milk, Evelyn will be able to have my milk til she is at least 1 year old. Maybe longer.

4. My art teaching opportunities. I love teaching art at the museum. I just got two offers to teach Art History to 2 homeschool co-ops and I am so thrilled to teach Art History!

5. My family. Because of them I am able to be a postpartum doula and part time art teacher. They are emotionally, physically, and spiritually supportive and I love them for it!

6. Spring! It is already here in my neck of the woods and I love it. The trees are overflowing with flowers, my car is covered in yellow dust. Ahh, yes, spring is here.

7. My husband. He is so sweet and sensitive. His birthday is coming up and I ordered his birthday presents today. I love him so much and I think that sometimes I fail at making him understand. He is the single person in my life that I trust completely. He is my partner, my allie, my lover, my best friend, my soul mate. I am always and will always be devoted to him. He makes me happier than anyone in my life.

That is my 7 for today. So what are you over the moon about?

DLS

Did anyone else get the sh*t kicked out of them by Day Light Savings today? Man, my whole day was just slapped silly by this DLS monster. I lived in Indiana for about 4.5 years recently and they weren't observing DLS while I was there. At the time I thought it was stupid but now I really miss not having my whole life moved up or down by an hour twice a year. So how did everyone else do with DLS today?

Why Evilynmo?

In case any of my Dear Readers have been curious I will explain my pseudonym. As you know my daughter's name is Evelyn. When I was pregnant Mr. E and I would joke around that our daughter was going to be evil, then we came up with Evilyn. When I was thinking of a username for a forum I frequent I put in EvilynMom, but that was to many letters so it got shortened to Evilynmo. And that is where the name came from.

I know, I really wowed you with my story ;)