Dear Readers, I am having a hard time. I am feeling sad and uneasy and stressed. I am moving to the farm and starting to live my dream. But in order to live my dream I have to leave behind this house. This house is the first house I ever lived in that had my name on the lease. This is the first house that I ever paid my own bills in. This is the house where my daughter was born. This is the first house that Mr. E and I lived in together after we got married. The last time that Mr. E and I slept in the same country together was in this house. I am sad to leave my house. I am sad that Mr. E isn't here to say goodbye to the house with me. I am scared to sleep in a new house by myself. I will be in a new bed in a new house by myself. Mom and Dad will be downstairs but still, I'll be alone, without my Mr. E and without my stuff. I am scared and I am sad and I just want to be with Mr. E. With Mr. E I am not scared, with him I feel safe and secure. I guess leaving this house is just another removal of Mr. E from my daily life. He's never seen the new house. I'll really be without him at this new house. In my house I see him everywhere, I feel him in all the rooms. In the new house he won't be anywhere but in my mind. I miss him soo much!
I know he will be home in four months. I know that this is a small sacrifice to get what I really want in the long run. I know that I am really really lucky to have family that I like that are willing to let me live with them for a year while I save money to buy/build my own house. I know that I shouldn't complain, that I shouldn't be sad. But I am.
See I am a very needy, clingy person when it comes to my husband. If I accidentally hurt myself when he is not around I am okay, I suck it up. If I hurt myself when he is around I cry and demand a hug and kiss. I am ridiculous that way. I am unabashedly vulnerable with Mr. E. I just let all my crazy spew out around him. Amazingly he loves me anyway. And right now I miss him so much.
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5 comments:
Maybe this would help. I don't know if Mr. E (why do you call him that, I am not up on that reference) has camera abilities but perhaps you could have random pictures of him around the new house. Not like picture frames but random places that you would forget about until you opened the closet door, or opened the shower curtain, or pulled out a drawer. It would be really fun if you parents hide them around the house so you really won't know where they were until you innocently came across them. Sort of like a prize in a cereal box. Hey why not put one in the cereal box.
I like ambpmd's idea. I will do my very best to "supprise" Mrs. E with random reminders of Mr. E. Now, Miss Baby E is certainly a constant reminder of Mr. E; and no one even has to try. We even put a bow in her hair, and get comments like, "Oh, that's what Mr. E looks like with a bow in his hair." BTW, just wanted to let all faithful readers know that Mr. E saw Miss Baby E today and said, "Oh, Mrs. E, baby E is looking more like you every day!"
Much love to the whole E faimily as they weather through this major transition in their lives.
I love the idea and the participation. Thanks you two, you really cheered me up =)
Wow! It sounds like you have a really great support system in place. I am sure it will be hard to move from your house but here is looking forward to building a new home and many more experiences to come with Mr. E
Did you have your baby at home?
It doesn't sound like you're clingy and needy to me... just that you love the guy and like being around him.
Good things are hard, too, my friend. I mean, you already know this, but I just figured I'd repeat it.
Rock on, sister.
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