New Year

New life, new hope, new paths. Please let this New Year bring peace and happiness to everyone.

Gramper's Retirement Party

My Dad aka Gramper is retiring from his 2nd job tomorrow. He was an Army officer for 25 years before he had this job. He is quitting because in the next 12 months he is going to thru hike the entire Appalachian Trail. For those that don't know, he will basically be hiking up mountains for about 2,000 miles. Yes, my Dad is freaking awesome!

Here's some pics from his retirement party. =)

Number 2?

We are trying to get pregnant with our second child. Yup, that's the big news. We are hoping to be pregnant this month, but we won't know for a few more weeks. We started to realize that Evie really needs someone to play with and share all this awesome farmness with. And it feels like the right time. We are excited and a little nervous. Two kids, holy sheep! That is a lot of responsibility, money, and sacrifice. But holy sheep, 2 kids, that is a lot of fun, love, and awesomeness. So here we go, we are taking the plunge!

Christmas Morning

Merry Christmas Eve!

Evie's 1st Haircut

Some of you noticed Evelyn's hair issues. So this morning I cut her hair. Just bangs. What do you think?

Happy Yule!

The cuteness!

First off I want to thank you all for reading and leaving such supportive comments. I have decided to work with Aidan one day a week, despite his parent's total awfulness.

And now to the good stuff. Here are some pictures of Evelyn in the same sweater. My parents bought this sweater for Evie last February.

Evie Feb. 2007






Evie Dec. 2007 (this week)

Even more...

So the Dad called me three times today. He left three messages. All saying the same thing, we like you, we don't want you to go. So I finally called him back. And he gave me even more excuses. He works 60 hours a week. He never is in town. He is always busy. He also said he didn't know I was so unhappy. And he explained a lot of the very dysfunctional behavior I have been observing. We talked for almost an hour. Apparently he is the only one in the family that is good at communicating. And he made that clear to me. He said a lot of nice things about me and Aidan's progress. And he offered me more money. And he said even just one day a week would help them so much.

And I told him I would think about it. The truth in all this is that I like my job, I like Aidan, I love his teacher, and I love the school. I just hated not knowing what was going on and not being acknowledged. So I am going to think about it. I am taking a special ed class this coming semester and I need 30 hours in a classroom with a special needs student. If working with Aidan fulfills that requirement then I will definitely go to school with him one day a week. If not, then I probably won't go to school with him at all.

Excuses Excuses and more Excuses

So I talked on the phone with the mom this morning. She just kept feeding me excuses. Excuses for why she didn't ask about her autistic kid's everyday life at school. Excuses for why she didn't return my call last week. Just on and on. She said that the school also accused her of not being communicative. She just played dumb. And she was offended that there was an implication that she didn't care about Aidan. She said she and her husband work all the time so they can pay for people to take care of this kid (her words, not mine). Yeah, she basically admitted to everything that I have a problem with. She admitted to paying other people to take care of her kid and his autism. And she admitted to not asking about his behavior everyday. She said that is why she pays me. And she talked about how she works every night and weekend. And her husband works til 9PM at night every night. And she said if she weren't working she would be in the classroom with him. But she can't not work because she has to pay all these people to work with him.

Umm yeah. So why not stop working all the time and take care of your damn kid???!!!!

And hello! Why aren't you asking about how your special needs kid is doing? And how can your special needs kid thrive if he has no routine at home with his parents?? He apparently never sees his parents because they work all the time. Cop out much?? Why do you think that it is okay to solve problems with money? What is wrong with you people!!!????

disclaimer: I am really fed up with these people. I know I have sympathy and empathy in my heart for these people but I am just pissed right now. So please don't think I am always on my high horse judging people and their parenting skills. God knows I have no right to judge.

I Tried...

I tried to be honest with Aidan's family and tell them that part of the reason I am quitting is that communication is bad between us. I left 2 messages, one at home and one on the mom's cell phone.

The mom called back while I was giving Evie a bath and she left me a message. She was upset.

This situation is quickly deteriorating into total shit. I am miserable at the thought of seeing his parents. Mostly because I hate confrontation and no matter what I say they are going to find a way to not accept it.

I wish I could change them, I wish I could make them see what I see. I want so badly to be a good person in this situation.

But I think that ship has sailed. There is no way I can leave this situation with good feelings between myself and the family.

I was so idealistic about this experience, I was so eager and happy in the beginning. I really thought I would be doing this all year.

The first sign that communication and therefore the situation wouldn't work was the first week of school. I took detailed notes about Aidan's behavior and his interactions with the other kids and I gave them to Aidan's mom. I asked her what she thought of the notes and she said it was too much detail and that she hadn't and wouldn't read that much. I should have known right then that this was doomed.

And it has just been down hill from there. But still I am sad and disappointed and angry and...

I don't know. I feel guilty. I feel a lot of guilt. I keep thinking that if I had done things differently that it wouldn't be this way. But the reality is that this couldn't have ended any other way. They can't give me what I want and I can't give them what they want.

And, they are total fucking lunatics that would have walked all over me for as long as I would have let them. They would have continued to treat me like shit for as long as I would have taken it. And grrrrrrrrrrr I am so pissed! And hurt and angry and PISSED!!!

Done and Done

1. I left a phone message for Aidan's parents this afternoon. I haven't heard anything so far. I honestly will be suprised if I hear anything from them at all. That's how bad communication is with these people.

2. Anyway, working with Aidan went well today. I think I was in a much better head space because I knew this was it for us. It let the tension and stress go by knowing I wouldn't have to do this anymore.

3. Also we will be going to visit Auntie V next weekend. That should be big fun.

4. And the weekend after x-mas I am going to visit my best friend Jen at her parent's house.

5. I have laid out a very tentative course outline for my masters. I have to take 17 classes to get the degree, including student teaching. So it looks like I will be done by Spring 2010. I'll be taking 3 classes this spring. A special ed class, an educational tech class and a science class. It looks like it will be fun and time consuming.

6. Signing is really really fun! Evelyn has picked up a lot of signs. Her favorites are bird, cat, and dog. She doesn't have perfect form but we know what she's signing. It's really awesome to be able to communicate with her more.

7. It has been in the 80's all week down here. Holy cow it is really really weird to be in shorts and a tshirt in December. Our Field Day party went really well but it was too hot to really play games, we just played with the equipment. Here's some pics.

Quitting

I've decided to quit working with Aidan. I don't want the stress of the job and I want to be able to focus on school and Evie. I haven't told Aidan's parents yet because (suprise suprise) I didn't see them today. I'll tell them in person tomorrow (if they show up) or I'll call and tell them over the phone tomorrow night.

I can tell that Aidan is just as tired of me as I am of him lately. We're both ready for a break. School is out next Friday, I'll keep working til then and I'll help train a replacement til school starts for me Jan. 7th.

Yes!

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got an acceptance letter today into the Masters of Arts in Teaching program at our local college!!!!!!!! I am super(!!!!)excited and happy!!!!!!!! I truely wasn't sure I would get into the program. I am thrilled to get a masters and be back in school again! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

Tomorrow

Tomorrow we are having about 30 of Ben's coworkers and thier families over to have a field day. We are gonna play football, soccer, kickball, and other such games. There will be farm tours, nature walks, and fish feeding. It should be big fun. I'll post pics tomorrow =)

What to do?

I am very frustrated with my job right now. So frustrated that I am doing a bad job, I am taking it out on Aidan, the autistic kid I work with. My frustration is not with him (though he is frustrating at times), it's with his parents. For a month now I have been waiting for them to talk to me about their plan for Aidan, what they hope to achieve for him in a normal kindergarten classroom, what they expect of me, how I am doing as their child's shadow. But I haven't gotten anything from them, nothing. No encouragement, no criticism, nada. And the school is just as frustrated with them as I am. They have tried for a month to talk in person with them and Aidan's parents have ignored notes, phone calls, and missed meetings.

My frustration is mostly my own fault. I am more frustrated with them in regards to their parenting style than with them as my employer. I can not believe how uninvolved they are in the life of their child. They never ask me how he is doing, they never ask his teacher. I spend 20 hours a week with this kid, I wipe his ass! If I weren't a good person I could really be fucking this kid up. And they could care less. Most of the time his parents aren't even the ones dropping him off and picking him up. And it's not like Aidan is a normal kid, he's autistic. And he is not in a special ed class, he's in a normal class. So his outbursts, his behavior issues, all those things are very disruptive to the class. And they don't ask about it. And I know why. They don't want to know. They don't want to think about it. They don't want to deal with it. They pay me to deal with it. And that is my frustration.

How in the world do you abandon your child like that? Not physically but emotionally. They bathe him, they feed him, they take good care of him physically. And they shell out LOTS of money to LOTS of different people to work with him. But at the heart of it, they are paying other people to deal with Aidan's autism. Because they can't or won't deal with it themselves.

And what's so hard for me to handle personally is that they don't even appreciate what I am doing with him and for them. They don't care about him, and they don't care about me.

And I am sacrificing time with my daughter to be with their son. My daughter means a whole hell of a lot more to me than Aidan. And rightfully so. So I am asking myself, why keep doing this? Why give up time with my kid, who I love spending time with, to help a family that doesn't even appreciate what I do for them or what I give up so that I can work for them?

Note: I tried getting a dialogue going with the family last night by leaving a phone message. When I saw the mother today at school she had nothing to say about the message I left. WTF!!!???

Disclaimer: I understand that having a special needs child is extremely challenging. I don't judge people for realizing their limits and getting help. I do judge people that don't appreciate or care about their child and the people that help their child.

Pooh-tastic!

Jen Visit!

It was so needed and awesome to have my best friend Jen visit us from Hawaii. We bonded over cheesy Mexican food and talked about how much has changed for us in the last 10 years. And we talked about boys, I don't think we'll ever outgrow that past time. It was awesome! Here's some pics.






Me, Jen's Mom, and Jen







Jen made Thai curry for us and it was delicious!


Good times!