I will be starting therapy on January 15th. About 7 days ago my marriage took a major hit. The problem involves a break in trust. Ben is not living with us right now because I need space and time to think. We both want to work things out. We both want our marriage to survive. So we will both be in individual therapy for a while and then we'll do couples therapy at some point.
This is the most confusing, difficult situation I can imagine. I never thought this would be happening to us.
But, we both want to weather this as a couple and have a stronger relationship as a result.
But it is really hard. It is hard to trust myself right now, let alone to trust Ben. I want to very much. But I can't.
Evelyn is coping well. I think she senses all the emotions and drama but of course she doesn't understand what's going on.
Any advice on how to trust again or any stories about overcoming the odds would be greatly appreciated as well as prayers, good thoughts, etc.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
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4 comments:
This is not meant as advice Jen, it is offered from my past experience so it may help. Starting with your self is so on target. I know that repairing a break in trust requires forgiveness first.
That was the hardest part for me. (in relation to my mom rather than a spouse, but still similar). The reason I didn't want to forgive was because it was safer to stay in the feelings that unforgivenss gives. I didn't want to come out of the negative way I felt about my mom because I was angry and resentful inside.
What I found was - once I forgave, her I couldn't hide inside my feelings anymore or behave the way my negative feelings were telling me to. It let me come out of the resentment I had been living in.
Starting with your self is awesome And its important for Ben to do the same...You both have my love and support. Its hard work, but so worth it. I am routing for you both.
If you two can come through this I know it will make your relationship closer and stronger. Trust is the hardest thing to earn, and the hardest to repair when broken. My parents divorced in the 70's: my dad wanted my mom to go back to Texas to raise a family while he stayed in L.A. and played the field. She didn't want to go, and it destroyed the marriage. I think he regretted his actions for a very long time (maybe even now), but my mother is the one who ended up better off. And I would rather have grown up with my mother and happiness than with both parents and lies.
I am praying for you both, for an outcome that will make you both happy. Only you can determine what that will be. Good luck, you have our love.
Dear Jen,
I'm sorry this happened to you. I know it hurts.
You will always be loved.
Sally
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