I never thought I would be a single parent. I never ever thought I would not be with Ben. He was my everything and I truly believed in us and out ability to get through anything together. But then he lied to me. He lied to me about trying to sleep with my best friend. Not once. Twice. He hit on my best friend twice and lied about it both times. I didn't find out til 3 years after the first time/1 month after the second time. And I didn't find out from him. And I have been devastated, lost, scared, and hurt ever since. Throw in a pregnancy and miscarriage and you are looking at my life over the last 3 months.
How do I recover from that? How do I forgive? How do I trust again? How can I come out of this and still be with Ben?
The answer is I can't. I can not forgive him. I can not trust him again.
We are legally separating which is the first step toward a divorce.
I never ever wanted this. I never ever thought this would be me and my life. It hurts so much. Everything I had planned for my life has disappeared. Everything I wanted for Evelyn, everything I thought would be there for her is gone. She will be okay and I will be okay. Ben is a great father and we are both putting Evelyn's well being first. But I never wanted her to have to deal with having divorced parents. I never thought I would be a divorced single mother.
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4 comments:
You are not your marital status and you are not your parental status.
You are Jen, and that means you are starting with a lot of skills and tools that will help you to live the life you hope for.
I'm not worried about you per se -- but I am thinking of you often.
From all I know about you (admittedly not as much as some folks) you are an amazing woman.
I have a lot more I want to say, but I have a screaming baby so I will follow up when I can.
You're in my thoughts.
((hugs)) You know if you ever need to talk, I'm here.
Jen,
Steve and I are thinking of you during this difficult time. Hang in there and if you need anything, we are here for you. Ann and Steve
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